Upgrade Your Circle: How to Avoid Self-Sabotage and Elevate Your Life
- OYNB
- Nov 29
- 4 min read
You cannot outperform a life built around self-saboteurs. This is a hard truth many high performers discover after investing time and energy into relationships that drain rather than uplift. The people you spend most of your time with shape your habits, mindset, and ultimately your success. If your circle includes individuals who drink to escape reality, make decisions based on emotion rather than reason, prioritise short-term thrills over long-term progress, neglect their health, act from insecurity, or build relationships on convenience instead of shared values, you will likely mirror these patterns.
The good news is that you can change this by upgrading your standards and surrounding yourself with people who reflect the life you want to live. Energy is a currency, and access to it should be earned, not assumed.
Why Your Circle Matters More Than You Think
Your environment influences your behaviour more than you realise. Studies show that habits, attitudes, and even emotional states can spread through social networks. For example, research published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that obesity, smoking, and happiness can be "contagious" within social circles. This means if your closest friends engage in self-destructive behaviours, you are more likely to adopt similar patterns.
Consider the story of Sarah, a talented entrepreneur who struggled to grow her business. She realised her friends often prioritised partying and avoided responsibility. After consciously choosing to spend more time with driven, health-conscious individuals, Sarah noticed a shift in her own discipline and motivation. Her business flourished, and her personal life improved.
Signs You Are Surrounded by Self-Saboteurs
Recognising the problem is the first step toward change. Here are common signs your circle might be holding you back:
Frequent escapism through alcohol or substances
When people use drinking or other means to avoid facing challenges, it creates a culture of avoidance.
Emotional decision-making without reflection
Acting impulsively or based on feelings rather than logic often leads to repeated mistakes.
Chasing stimulation over steady progress
Prioritising excitement or distractions instead of consistent effort stalls growth.
Neglecting physical and mental health
Ignoring wellness habits reduces energy and resilience.
Operating from insecurity and fear
This breeds jealousy, competition, and toxic dynamics.
Building relationships based on convenience
When connections lack shared values, they rarely support long-term success.
If these patterns sound familiar, it’s time to rethink your circle.
How to Upgrade Your Standards and Your Circle
Changing your environment requires intentional action. Here are practical steps to elevate your social circle:
1. Define Your Values and Goals
Clarify what matters most to you. Is it health, creativity, financial independence, or emotional growth? Write down your core values and goals. This clarity will help you identify people who align with your vision.
2. Evaluate Your Current Relationships
Make a list of your closest contacts. Reflect on how each person influences your mindset and habits. Ask yourself:
Do they inspire me to be better?
Do they support my goals?
Do they challenge me positively?
Do I feel energised or drained after spending time with them?
3. Set Boundaries and Limit Exposure
You don’t have to cut everyone off immediately. Start by reducing time spent with those who drain your energy or encourage harmful behaviours. Politely decline invitations that don’t serve your growth.
4. Seek Out New Connections
Join groups, clubs, or communities that reflect your interests and values. For example, if health is a priority, find a local running club or yoga class. If professional growth matters, attend industry meet ups or workshops.
5. Invest in Deep, Value-Based Relationships
Focus on quality over quantity. Build friendships based on trust, respect, and shared principles. These relationships provide support during challenges and celebrate your successes.
The Role of Energy as a Currency
Energy is not unlimited. Every interaction costs or replenishes your emotional and mental reserves. People who constantly complain, create drama, or act from insecurity drain your energy. On the other hand, those who are optimistic, focused, and supportive recharge you.
Think of your energy like money in a bank. You want to invest it wisely. Surrounding yourself with self-saboteurs is like spending your energy on bad debts. Upgrading your circle means spending your energy where it grows and multiplies.
Real-Life Examples of Upgrading Your Circle
John’s Story: John was stuck in a cycle of unhealthy habits and poor financial decisions. His friends often encouraged partying and impulsive spending. After joining a local entrepreneur group, he met people who prioritised learning and saving. Over time, John adopted new habits, improved his finances, and started a successful side business.
Maria’s Experience: Maria struggled with low self-esteem and toxic friendships. She began volunteering at a community centre, where she connected with positive role models. These new relationships helped her build confidence and pursue a healthier lifestyle.
Tips to Maintain a High-Quality Circle
Regularly reassess your relationships as your goals evolve.
Communicate openly about your boundaries and expectations.
Celebrate progress together to strengthen bonds.
Be willing to let go of relationships that no longer serve you.
Lead by example: embody the values you seek in others.
Your social circle shapes your habits, mindset, and future. By upgrading your standards and choosing your company wisely, you create a foundation for lasting success and well-being. Remember, energy is a currency, and you deserve to spend it on people who help you grow.
