Whizzing along and enjoying the ride – Dean Clamp

By changing my relationship with alcohol, I have, as a natural byproduct, removed a silent saboteur from my life. I’ve swapped fatigue, anxiety and that stuck-in-a-rut feeling for energy, clarity and a genuine sense of happiness and direction.

Let’s start at the beginning

I was a drinker for many years, but I never would have called myself an alcoholic. Looking back, though, I can see that my relationship with alcohol was unhealthy.

Over the years I collected plenty of hangovers, regrettable moments and “funny” stories. Most of the time my drinking sat in the middle lane – nothing outrageous, nothing that would raise too many eyebrows – but there were definitely times when I was drinking to cheer myself up.

Alcohol was woven into many parts of my life, from my teens through to my late thirties. It was there to help me celebrate, commiserate, relax and escape. That’s what we’re taught, right? Alcohol becomes the go-to for most of life’s ups and downs.

It was during the tougher times that regular drinking really took hold. I drank when I was unhappy – especially while my marriage was unravelling, during my divorce, and when my father died suddenly after a short but heroic battle with pancreatic cancer.

Realising I needed a change

Deep down I knew that if I carried on drinking, nothing in my life was going to improve. Alcohol was just masking the pain in my heart. I was stealing happiness from tomorrow for a brief escape today – and the pain was always still there, usually louder the next day.

I saw an OYNB ad on my social media feed and it made me think. I didn’t sign up straight away, but I read some of the testimonials and recognised parts of my own story in them. After a while of turning the idea over in my mind, I decided to sign up for a 90-day challenge (and later upgraded to 365) based on the positive results other people were describing.

Starting my alcohol-free journey

Once I started, it wasn’t easy. It’s hard to break habits that have been part of your daily routine for years. But the tips and daily emails kept me going. I was suddenly stringing together alcohol-free days in numbers I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager.

Very quickly I started to notice how much better I was sleeping without alcohol. I had never realised how badly it was interrupting my rest. I often used to wake up in the middle of the night with palpitations and anxiety, and I assumed it was just stress. In reality, it was the beers I was drinking at the end of the day to “unwind” that were waking me up in this state.

Alcohol stops us getting the deep, restorative sleep we need to function at our best, mentally and physically. Once alcohol was out of my system, I slept so much better and woke up feeling energised, motivated and happier.

New life lessons

One of the things I learned about during the challenge was mindfulness. At first glance it seemed a bit too “happy-clappy” for me. But if OYNB were talking about it, there had to be something in it, so I decided to give it a go.

I used an audiobook credit on “Wherever You Go, There You Are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the forefathers of mindfulness. I started practising as part of my morning routine. I was already getting up a little earlier to exercise, so I added five minutes of meditation afterwards.

I loved just sitting outside in the morning, after a workout, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees. It felt good, and I soon started spending more time meditating and reading more about it.

At first I only practised mindfulness because it helped me feel calm and relaxed, but over time it made me more aware of how I felt physically and mentally. It was like lights turning on all over the place, helping me connect the dots on where I could improve my overall wellbeing.

That awareness helped me see which habits were quietly dragging me down. For example, scrolling through social media rarely left me feeling good. Playing mindless games on my phone didn’t make me feel like I was achieving anything. By cutting things like this out, I freed up more and more time and energy for activities that genuinely made me feel engaged and alive.

Taking care of me

With this extra time and energy I was able to train for a half marathon (while raising money for Pancreatic Cancer UK), learn French, grow my business, take online courses, gain new qualifications and dive into subjects that really interested me.

One of those new interests, again sparked by OYNB, was positive psychology. When I was drinking, I felt underwhelmed by life and pretty negative about myself. It’s hardly surprising, because regular alcohol consumption interferes with the brain chemicals that are vital for good mental health. While we might feel relaxed after a drink, in the long run alcohol can contribute to low mood, anxiety and increased stress.

By taking a break from alcohol and focusing on my mental fitness, I started to move up the “happiness scale”. If you’d asked me when I was drinking to rate my happiness from 1 to 10, I would have struggled to say anything higher than a 5. Alcohol-free, plus the tools from positive psychology, I could feel that number rising.

Changing patterns

Mindfulness taught me to be grateful and appreciate more – even the tough stuff. Before, when I felt sad, I’d open a beer. Now I try to see challenges as opportunities to learn. Alcohol just pushed the problem to another day.

There’s something in that old saying “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. Without alcohol in the mix, I had the clarity to process my emotions instead of numbing them. That opened the door to making better choices in every area of my life.

My top tips for happiness

Here are three simple practices from positive psychology that really helped me:

Random acts of kindness

Doing something kind and unexpected for someone else gives you a real sense of warmth inside – and it makes their day better too. Research shows that people on the receiving end of an act of kindness are more likely to do something kind for someone else. It creates a ripple effect.

Gratitude journal

Every day I write down three things I’m grateful for. We also share three gratitudes as a family at the end of the day. Looking back and picking out the good moments trains your brain to look for more positives, which naturally lifts your mood over time.

Finding flow

Flow is that state when you’re so absorbed in what you’re doing that you lose track of time. The activity needs to be slightly challenging and give you some feedback so you can feel yourself progressing.

Finding activities that put you in a flow state is proven to improve overall wellbeing. It’s different for everyone, but I find flow when I’m running, writing, designing, painting, decorating and spending time in nature.

So there you are

By changing my relationship with alcohol, I removed a silent saboteur from my life. I’ve swapped feeling underwhelmed, anxious and exhausted for genuine gratitude, energy and forward momentum.

My overall wellbeing has gone from a 5 (at a push) to a consistent 7.5 or 8 on the happiness scale, and I’m excited about the future. I’m no longer stuck – I’m moving forward and enjoying the ride.

If my story helps even one other person take the first step towards transforming their relationship with alcohol, then it’s my way of giving something back for everything OYNB has brought into my life.