The days really did stack up quickly! – Bridgene Baker

When drinking was just part of the fun

I never considered myself a problem drinker. I was always known as someone who liked a good drink, but I just did not seem to have an off button when I was out with friends and very rarely would have “just one”. I was a bit of a party girl and a social butterfly. I never blacked out or did anything really awful, so I believed it never really caused me any problems. To me, it was all just simple fun.

For years I had a few big events in the calendar that I knew would be extremely boozy and heavy going. I would go with the flow, drink far too much and then suffer the consequences afterwards. That was just the payback for the fun. On holidays or weekends away I would drink most days, then try to resume “normal service” once these events were over.

When occasional drinking became a habit

Over the years this quietly shifted. I started having a drink for all sorts of occasions: good days, stressful days, fun times, sad times. There was always a good reason to crack open the wine or have a few beers.

In my twenties, thirties and even early forties, I largely got away with it. It was getting harder and harder to recover as I got older, but it never actually stopped me.

Then the menopause arrived. I did not realise at the time that anxiety and migraines were about to become a regular part of my life. I had never suffered with anxiety before and did not know how to handle it. It felt like it came out of nowhere and completely blindsided me. There were other personal and work-related issues going on too, so I told myself that was what was causing it.

I sought help in the form of hypnotherapy, but in reality I hid behind my party persona and pretended everything was fine. I burned the candle at both ends, went out, “enjoyed myself” and avoided really looking at what was happening. I did not think anyone who knew me socially would ever believe I was struggling, and I became a master at disguising how I really felt.

I also started to get occasional but debilitating headaches that would last for days. Again, I blamed everything else. It wasn’t until I had blood tests and was told it was likely hormone-related that I started reading about menopause and learned that anxiety and migraines were common symptoms. I began to take a bit more care of myself and, over the next few years, things settled down. I slowly started to feel more like myself again.

But I still loved to party. I still drank at weekends and at events, and more and more often I found myself having a few drinks alone, watching TV to relax. The anxiety and headaches were better than before, but they never really went away.

Lockdown and the slippery slope

When we went into lockdown in March 2020, my anxiety spiked again. I was worried about my family and friends and spent a lot of time alone. I was working from home and not using the car, so it became easier and easier to pour a glass of wine in the evenings to “relax and unwind”.

I knew I was anxious. I knew I was drinking more often and not taking care of myself. It certainly was not fun or relaxing. It was around this time that I realised my drinking had become habitual rather than social, and that realisation did not sit well with me.

In a nutshell, I felt tired and achy all the time and completely stuck in a rut. I was functioning fine on the surface – working from home, being a mum, cooking, shopping – but underneath I felt awful. The migraines came back, the anxiety ramped up, and I knew deep down I was at the top of a slippery slope that only seemed to be heading one way.

Finding OYNB

At the same time, I kept seeing OYNB adverts in my Facebook feed, and one of my close friends had joined a 90 day challenge. I was curious, even though I had never done Dry January or Sober October. Ninety days sounded like a very long time and felt unachievable, but the seed was planted.

I started to think more and more that a break from alcohol would do me good – for my health, my anxiety, my migraines and that constant ill-at-ease feeling I was carrying around. After yet another bad headache and an entire weekend feeling unwell, I signed up for the 90 day challenge.

Starting my alcohol-free challenge

At the start I treated the challenge like a much-needed detox and kept my expectations low. I thought I just needed to abstain, count the days and hopefully ease my headaches and anxiety along the way. I did not imagine this would ever be a long-term thing.

The phrase that attracted me was “resetting your relationship with alcohol”, and that really appealed. I was pleasantly surprised by the daily emails and videos – they made me think differently, and they introduced topics I had never really explored before. It became obvious that OYNB is not only about alcohol; it is very much a self-improvement platform that touches many areas of life.

Having access to the Facebook group was a huge bonus. There were people from all over the world at different stages of their alcohol-free journey, and it seemed like there was nothing someone in that group had not experienced. I did not post much at first but found real value in reading other people’s posts and the advice they received. It felt encouraging, supportive and safe, even if you were just quietly watching from the sidelines.

Telling people about my challenge

At first I told no one except the friend who was already on a 90 day challenge. I was sure I would not get past the first weekend. Having a drink on a Friday night after the working week was over was such a habit. I did not want to admit failure, so I kept quiet.

After a few weeks I told my parents. They were initially worried I had a serious problem, but when I explained that I did not have one right now – and that I wanted to change my life before I did – they were very supportive. They understood that I was simply tired of feeling tired, and that I needed to cut out alcohol for a while for my health.

Eventually, if it came up, I told other friends and family about the challenge. At that point I was still only committed to 90 days and had no plans to go beyond that. Most people were positive and supportive, which reinforced that I was doing something good.

Turning wine o’clock into walk o’clock

I got on with my life and counted the days. After a few weeks I noticed how much more I enjoyed Saturday and Sunday mornings (and mornings in general). I had so much more time, because I was not wasting it sitting around feeling rough.

One of the OYNB emails suggested taking on a challenge, and some members had started a virtual walking challenge, so I joined in. That helped hugely whenever I felt triggered – especially at the old “wine o’clock”. I joked that I had turned wine o’clock into walk o’clock, but it was true: instead of reaching for a bottle when I closed the laptop, I put on my trainers and went for a walk.

I was doing online dance classes, and as lockdown restrictions eased, I met friends for evening and weekend walks. Getting out helped me reconnect with people and stopped me drinking. The days stacked up quickly.

When I visited my parents, I did feel on shaky ground at first as everyone else had a drink in the sun. But they had thoughtfully stocked up on alcohol-free options so I did not feel left out, and I enjoyed those whenever I felt the urge to join in.

Extending my challenge

As my 90 days approached, I was feeling great. I was sleeping well, walking every day, still reading the emails and staying connected to the group. I kept reading inspirational stories from people who started out wanting just a short break, then felt so good they carried on to 365 days.

That made me question whether I had really experienced all the benefits yet. I felt great, loved my walking and dancing, my anxiety was at an all-time low and, aside from the wider Covid situation, life was good.

I knew my 90 days were nearly up and started to worry about slipping back into old habits. I felt I might benefit from a longer stretch to really experience life without alcohol – Christmas, nights out, holidays, birthdays. A full year sounded like a huge leap, but I felt so well that I knew I had to give it a serious go. So I signed up.

I could not quite believe it myself. This was never the original plan and had once felt unreachable, but I needed to know if I could do it.

Discovering I could have fun without the fallout

The days continued to stack up, and of course there were times over the next eight months when I was challenged and would normally have had a drink. But I had tools to cope with those moments, and more and more I realised I did not want to undo all my hard work or deal with the fallout of drinking.

The reality was that I could still have the fun, still enjoy the sun, still be with my friends – but I did not need the anxiety and headaches that followed.

When I received very sad news on a few occasions, I also realised that drinking would not change that news or make me feel better. Instead, I allowed myself to cry and then carried on. Over time I simply got better at dealing with things because I felt calmer overall.

My alcohol-free benefits

Within the first few weeks I noticed my skin looked much better and my eyes were brighter. People began to comment. I had always been a good sleeper, but one of the earliest and longest-lasting changes was that I slept much more soundly. I no longer woke up thirsty, and I felt genuinely well-rested.

I had been doing salsa dancing for years and loved it, but apart from swimming I rarely did other exercise. Joining the walking challenge as part of my OYNB journey opened a completely new chapter for me. What started as “just get some steps in” turned into a daily habit. Now I go out every day in all weathers, and if I miss a day I genuinely feel it.

One lovely surprise was realising that while I had been a silly, bubbly drinker, I am also a silly, bubbly non-drinker. I had worried that people would think I had changed or become boring, but on holiday with my family we giggled and messed around just as much as ever. The difference was that, because I was not drinking, I had the energy to get out every day for amazing walks with beautiful views – something I had never done on previous visits because I had always been nursing a hangover or catching up on sleep.

I also realised that not drinking does not magically solve all of life’s problems overnight. I felt far better and had less anxiety and fewer headaches, but there were still days when I felt tired or fed up. The difference was that I now understood this is just part of being human, and those feelings passed more quickly. I felt better equipped to deal with the tougher days, and my low moods did not last as long.

By far the biggest benefit has been the reduction in anxiety and menopause symptoms. It is as if there had been constant white noise in my head and it has finally switched off. I wake up feeling content and calm in a way I have not felt in years.

Marking my milestones

When I hit my 90 day milestone, I treated myself to a facial and back massage. As I approached 365, I wanted to do something that really marked the achievement. I booked a tandem skydive as a personal celebration. I know I will be terrified, but I wanted to do something outside my comfort zone that made me feel truly alive.

The support that helped me get here

The OYNB support is very much what you make of it. For me, the Facebook group was the most valuable part. Reading posts and advice from people who had walked this path before me made an enormous difference.

The emails and videos offer lots of ideas for further personal development if you are interested, but there is no pressure to do everything. You can take what you need and leave the rest. The main goal is to reset your relationship with alcohol, and I feel there is exactly the right level of support and guidance to help you do that.

The first weeks and months were hard, especially because drinking at home in the evenings had become so habitual when no one was going out. I missed my friends, family and dancing, but I used the tools available and found other ways to relax and spend my time. After a while, alcohol just stopped being something I thought about much.

When I did get an urge because something triggered me, I had an alcohol-free drink and “played it forward” in my mind. Yes, I could have a glass of wine with a friend in her garden, but chances were I would carry on later at home, sleep badly, wake with a headache and feel anxious all the next day. That simple question – “is it worth it?” – always led to the same answer: no.

Looking ahead

Over time, because I feel so different and calmer inside, the constant inner dialogue has quietened down. When I picture future events with friends and family now, alcohol just is not a big factor any more.

I had a lot of fun in my twenties, thirties and forties, and much of it was fuelled by alcohol. I have spent the last three decades drinking to varying degrees. I turn 50 next year and feel fitter, calmer and more content than I have in years. I still plan to have a lot of fun – just not fuelled by alcohol.

It feels like alcohol is an old friend I have parted ways with, without any bitterness. My OYNB is nearly complete and I do not plan on drinking any time soon. When someone recently asked if I would ever drink again, my answer was:

“Will I ever drink again? Maybe occasionally.Will I ever be a drinker again? No.”

If you want to take a break, reset or rethink your relationship with alcohol, I believe anyone would benefit from at least 28 days. But the longer challenges can reveal hidden benefits you would never expect. And there is only one way to find out.