Self-reflection and Awareness: Why they matter and what they can change

It’s that time again – the season when we look back at the year we’ve had, the good, the bad, and everything in between

What do you see when you look back at the past year? Is it filled with pleasant memories, or crowded with not-so-great moments? Whatever the case for you, you’re not alone.

Many of us have faced upheaval over recent years. The pandemic brought economic, social, physical, and mental challenges for each of us. Now, as we approach the end of 2021, we have an opportunity to look in the rear-view mirror and reflect on our thoughts, feelings, achievements, and everything we’ve made it through.

As you contemplate what has passed, try not to judge yourself too harshly. We often paint things either pitch-black or rose-tinted and miss all the nuance in between. Be kind to yourself in your reflections. It might help to speak to yourself as you would to someone you love – we’re often far more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves.

So, what do self-reflection and self-awareness really mean?

It’s human nature to have some self-awareness and the capacity to reflect. What you may not know is that many of us overestimate how reflective and self-aware we actually are. Fortunately, that’s not a deal-breaker. We can grow to become infinitely more observant of ourselves. As Philippe Rochat argues, this is an ongoing process – not a box we either tick or fail to tick.

In many ways, self-reflection and self-awareness are two sides of the same coin.

• Self-reflection is a conscious choice: looking inward to explore who you are, what you value, and how you react in different situations.

• Self-awareness focuses on our ability to identify and manage our emotions.

We develop our awareness through reflective thinking. You really can’t have one without the other.

Both are central to emotional intelligence. As we improve our ability to reflect and notice what’s going on inside, we become better equipped to understand ourselves and navigate the world around us. Each step in this process improves how we manage our thoughts and feelings.

Why should self-awareness and reflection matter to you?

Self-reflection and self-awareness shape how we see ourselves – and that can completely change how we interact with other people and with life in general.

We grow by looking inwards and paying attention to ourselves. In doing so, we not only understand ourselves better, but we also develop more empathy and understanding for others.

Some studies suggest that consistent, reflective awareness can drive both personal and even wider societal transformation. In simple terms, taking time to understand our own thoughts and feelings can help us reach more of our goals and feel more at peace.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Pursuing self-awareness through reflection takes effort and consistency. But if you want to get to know yourself better, this is a powerful place to start. You’ll discover things you love and want to keep, and you’ll uncover habits or patterns you may want to change. The first step in making those changes is becoming aware of them.

Introspection can help us reconnect with the world around us. It encourages compassion and kindness towards ourselves and others, and can support better self-control and emotional regulation – something most of us need help with from time to time.

So if you’re feeling discontent, disconnected, or unhappy with things like your drinking patterns, self-reflection is a great way to raise your awareness of what’s really going on and how you feel about it.

From daily life to the future

Without self-reflection, we can’t build self-awareness. Without self-awareness, we struggle to manage our emotions. When our emotions are running the show, it becomes harder to show empathy, maintain healthy relationships, or feel grounded in our choices.

One thing feeds into another. This loop can lead to negative or positive outcomes depending on the actions we take. We use both our private and public self-awareness to practise self-control: checking whether certain habits are helping us move towards our goals or pulling us further away.

For example, maybe your goal is to be healthier, but your current habit is frequent drinking. If you pause and reflect before you reach for a drink after work, holding your long-term health in mind, you’re more likely to choose not to drink in that moment.

Questions to ask yourself to build self-awareness

You can use both direct and indirect questions to challenge yourself and deepen your self-reflection. It helps to keep these questions anchored in what matters to you – your values, goals and priorities.

For example, if you want to understand your strengths, you could ask yourself directly, “What are my strengths?”Then you might add:

• What do other people often compliment me on?

• If I asked a trusted friend what I’m really good at, what would they say?

All of these questions explore the same topic from different angles, and together they give you a more complete picture.

The same applies to your goals. Think about what you want and why you want it:

• Is it specific and realistic?

• When do you want to achieve it by?

• What will it actually look and feel like once you’ve achieved it?

For example, “I want to stop drinking” can feel vague and overwhelming. But “I’m doing Dry January – one month with no alcohol” is specific, time-bound and much more manageable. Reflecting on why that’s important to you helps keep the goal front and centre, making it easier to stay on track.

Reflecting on the year – habits to keep and ones to change

How has this year looked for you?

• Have you built any habits you’re proud of and want to keep?

• Have some less helpful habits crept in that you’d like to change?

Now is the perfect time to reflect. Not to beat yourself up, but to notice:

• What your current norms are

• How they make you feel

• Which ones you want to keep, and which ones you’d like to shift

If you’ve exercised more regularly this year, take a moment to appreciate that. Feel proud that you’ve developed and stuck to a healthier routine. From there, you can think about how you’ll maintain or refine it going into the new year.

Fancy going dry in January?

When you look back over the year, do any habits stand out that you’re not happy with? Maybe you’ve been drinking more often, or leaning on alcohol as your go-to way to unwind. Ask yourself:

• How often am I drinking now, compared to a year ago?

• How do I feel during and after drinking?

• Is this taking me closer to or further from the life I want?

You could decide to kick-start 2022 with a dry month. It’s a short-term, achievable goal, especially if you keep practising self-awareness and reminding yourself why it matters to you. And who knows—one month might feel so good that you decide to extend the challenge.

Our top tips for self-reflection and building awareness

Self-reflection and self-awareness can sound abstract, but they don’t have to be complicated. Here are some simple ways to bring them into your daily life:

1. Practise mindfulness

Mindfulness is central to both self-reflection and awareness. Meditating in a quiet environment, away from distractions, allows you to connect with yourself in a way that’s hard to access in the busyness of everyday life.

You don’t need a full 30 minutes. You can:

• Use your commute to check in with your thoughts and body

• Spend five mindful minutes washing up

• Take a short pause before bed to reflect on your day

2. Let curiosity guide you

Keep asking questions – about your reactions, your choices, your habits. Use both direct and indirect questions, and don’t be afraid to ask others for their perspective too. Let your curiosity and your values lead the way.

3. Try not to be too harsh on yourself

Nobody is perfect, and that’s not the goal. Healthy self-reflection is about noticing patterns and areas for change without labelling yourself as good or bad. You can decide to do things differently without attacking yourself for the past.

4. Keep a journal

Writing things down helps you process thoughts and feelings in a deeper way. Journalling regularly can reveal patterns over time:

• What tends to trigger strong emotions?

• What helps you feel grounded and calm?

• How does your mood change when you drink vs when you don’t?

5. Look at things from another perspective

When something frustrates or upsets you, try to step back:

• How might someone else see this situation?

• What would you say to a friend who was in your shoes?

You can also ask others for their perspective when you feel stuck.

6. Spend time with people

It might sound counterintuitive, but spending time with others can actually deepen your self-awareness. We often learn more about ourselves through our interactions, noticing how we respond, what we need, and where our boundaries are.

The benefits of practising self-reflection and awareness

The potential benefits are huge. Just a few include:

• Better self-control and decision-making

• Increased productivity

• Higher self-esteem and more positive self-development

• More creativity

• Better mental health and overall wellbeing

• Stronger communication skills

• Healthier, more fulfilling relationships

This is far from a complete list. As you build your own self-reflection practice, you’ll likely discover benefits unique to you.

If you’d like to change your relationship with alcohol, reflection and self-awareness can be powerful allies. It’s much easier to stay focused and exercise self-control when you understand your triggers, your feelings, and your deeper reasons for wanting change.

So, if you’re considering shifting your drinking habits, why not begin with a pause – perhaps a dry January – and use self-reflection as your compass along the way.