OYNB really does break the psychological cycle – Jayne Gomez

I have a lot of love and respect for myself because I make the time, effort and have the inclination to show up for myself every day

I originally joined OYNB in April 2020 during the first lockdown, when the 28-day challenge was being offered for free to those wanting support with cutting back during the pandemic. Before that, like a lot of members, I’d started to see the Facebook page pop up on my newsfeed quite regularly. This was significant and fortunate, because for a while I’d been unhappy with my drinking, but didn’t really know how – or want – to address it.

I wasn’t an alcoholic and my life wasn’t obviously falling apart because of drinking, but I knew I was drinking too much and too often. Around 90% of my drinking was at home: several glasses of wine most evenings to unwind after work, then more (and earlier) at the weekends. Of course, this escalated in frequency and volume during lockdown, and it bothered me enough to want to do something about it – even though I knew that wouldn’t be easy.

Committing to 365 days

After around 5–6 weeks alcohol-free in early spring 2020, it wasn’t long before my regular habits crept back in. By autumn 2020 my drinking was pretty much back where it had been. That’s when I decided that in the new year I was going to commit properly and sign up for the 365-day challenge.

I’d been inspired by the testimonials on the OYNB website, but even more so by the day-to-day posts in the Facebook group. People genuinely seemed to be enjoying life more alcohol-free – and that surprised me.

I wanted to totally change my relationship with alcohol and knew that, for me, that meant a prolonged period of complete abstinence. I’d already learned that 28 days (and even 90 days) weren’t enough to fundamentally shift things. So I signed up in mid-December with a start date of 1st January 2021.

Getting started in lockdown

I was nervous and, if I’m honest, a little glum at the idea of not drinking for a whole year. I was committed, but I was expecting it to be hard – a white-knuckle ride. And for the first few weeks, that’s exactly what it felt like. I lived, breathed and slept “not drinking alcohol” for at least the first three weeks.

Four days in, the UK went back into lockdown on 4th January. That meant I was back to juggling work, home schooling and being permanently at home – and I had no idea it would continue for another two months. But even with all of that going on, I started to notice a subtle shift: the longer I stayed alcohol-free, the less I thought about drinking. That was hugely encouraging.

Building new habits

At the beginning it was hard to imagine that not drinking could ever feel normal. But week by week, removing alcohol simply became part of my routine. The work you do on the programme really does break the psychological cycle – at some point my brain stopped expecting alcohol, and that was a complete game changer.

Some of my biggest learnings have been:

• Wait to put yourself into tempting situations until you genuinely feel ready.

• When you do feel up to it, ease yourself back into social situations on your own terms. Every successful event builds your confidence.

• It might seem inconceivable that you can socialise and actually enjoy yourself without drinking – but you absolutely can. And the cherry on top is not having to plan the next day around a hangover.

One of the most powerful moments for me involved my daughter. We were in the supermarket baking aisle when my then-six-year-old spotted candles shaped like mini champagne bottles and wanted them desperately for her Barbie dolls. I was mortified, realising how much she’d been watching my relationship with alcohol.

Fast-forward to this year and she recently said at the dinner table that she “doesn’t think she will drink alcohol when she is older”. She also calls this “Mummy’s 10 Year No Beer challenge”. That shift, in what she sees and absorbs, is one of the most important things I’ll take from this.

How I’ve changed

Since removing alcohol, my entire way of living feels different:

• I’m far more patient with my family.

• I’m calmer in general.

• I’ve developed a regular morning yoga habit that I absolutely love – something that never even occurred to me before OYNB.

• My mind feels sharp and my body strong and toned.

• I’ve received a promotion at work and feel confident I can rise to the challenge, motivated and clear-headed every day.

• I have a lot of love and respect for myself because I now make the time and effort to show up for myself every day – something I never really did when I was frequently hungover or just running at “subpar”.

Even if you don’t notice the visual changes in yourself straight away, other people will. The compliments about how you look and carry yourself never get old.

The OYNB support

I’m a “follow the instructions” person by nature, so from the outset I decided to use all the support on offer. I’ve been (and still am) a frequent visitor to the Facebook group – it’s impossible not to be inspired and motivated by the members there and their honest ups and downs.

But the daily email support has probably been the most valuable tool for me. It offers such a wide range of advice, guidance and knowledge around habit change and positive psychology. Even during busy periods, if I fell behind, I would make a point of catching up – it felt that important.

I’m still officially on the challenge until 31st December, but the biggest surprise is that I’m in no rush to pick up an alcoholic drink any time soon.