My relationship with alcohol has completely shifted – Jamie Hornbuckle

Day or night, you can find someone to support you in the group

I used to be a 1–2 nights per week binge drinker. I drank for the buzz – that feeling of being free and untethered from responsibility, like I was finally “enjoying life”. Alcohol was my escape and my reward for “a job well done”, something I felt I deserved.

Over time, my tolerance got so high that I struggled to feel what I was chasing. So it became just one more… and one more. Deep down I knew it was getting worse. My inner alarm bells were ringing, but I ignored them. My friends and family didn’t really challenge my drinking – only my husband occasionally. I kept dismissing my own concerns.

I Tried All the Half-Measures

I tried moderation.I tried “rules”.I tried stopping for short periods.

But every attempt was like putting a band-aid on a chest wound. Each time I “failed”, the negative self-talk got louder:

• “I used to have willpower – where did it go?”

• “Why does half my brain WANT TO DRINK so badly?”

• “Why can’t the part of me that knows this is bad get control?”

• “Why do I keep making myself sick?”

The worse I felt about myself, the more I drank. It was a vicious cycle.

The Turning Point

During the 2020 lockdown, everything intensified. It became normal for me to be at a friend’s house until 2–3 a.m. at least once a week, driving home way over the legal limit and then suffering full-on hangovers for one or two days afterward.

I was:

• Regularly putting myself and others in physical danger

• Damaging my relationship with my husband

• Becoming unreliable and untrustworthy – two things I never believed would describe me

My last binge was on Mother’s Day 2021 (9th May). I stayed out all night, too out of it to let my husband know where I was or whether I was safe. When I finally came home the next day, I could feel the shift in the room.

This was it. Something had to change.That’s when I joined OYNB.

Taking the Challenge

When I signed up, my plan was “just” the 28-day challenge – something that felt manageable. I couldn’t imagine committing to 90 days or a full year, and I didn’t want to scare myself off with a huge promise.

But by accident, I actually signed up for the 90-day challenge. I panicked and tried to change it – but with the weight of that last binge still heavy on my heart, I had a feeling this “mistake” was actually exactly what I needed.

So I stayed.I committed to the full 90 days.

I’m someone who thrives with structure, and OYNB gave me a train that was already moving. I could plug into that momentum instead of trying to create it from scratch.

The Biggest Thing I Learned

Once I removed alcohol, I started to see how deeply it had been affecting every part of my life – because I wasn’t living in integrity.

When you’re not living in line with your values, you suffer.

I began to see that:

• My relationships were deteriorating because I didn’t know how to communicate or set boundaries

• I knew the person I wanted to be, but she felt out of reach

• My inner chatter was so loud there was no space for any deeper connection or self-trust

• My self-worth was so low that I’d stopped investing in my own growth

I kept comparing my drinking to others and using that as permission to minimise my own problem. I didn’t trust myself to recognise that my relationship with alcohol was taking me somewhere dark.

Since stopping drinking, I’ve started a real healing journey – dealing with the physical and emotional issues I’d pushed down for years.

Rebuilding My Life Alcohol-Free

In the last 90+ days I have:

• Seen doctors and started proper health routines

• Created a yoga and meditation space and built a regular practice

• Meditated more in this period than in my entire life before

• Started journaling again – not just writing the same self-loathing loops, but actually processing and growing

Without alcohol numbing everything, I feel connected to myself again – to who I know I’m meant to be.

The OYNB Support

The daily videos helped keep me focused and reflective. I liked having a prompt every day to look at a different angle of my journey.

But unexpectedly, the private Facebook group became the most powerful part of my success.

• I could be completely honest – how I got here, why I wanted to quit, what I was learning

• There was always someone online, day or night

• We celebrated together – first sober party, alcohol-free holiday, new milestones

• We supported each other through slips and hard days

Because there was a screen and distance between us, I felt safe enough to lay my heart on the table. And in doing that, I made genuine friends all over the world who truly “get it”.

Day or night, you can find someone to support you in the group.

And that changes everything.

A Complete Mindset Shift

After 90 days, my relationship with alcohol is completely different.

I don’t need it – because I’ve deepened my relationship with myself. I realised the root of my addiction was a lack of self-worth. Once I fully committed to removing alcohol, the path opened for:

• Self-love

• Self-respect

• Self-actualisation

Now I say I’m retired from drinking.

I have no desire to go back because:

1. I know it’s not healthy and my body deserves to be cared for

2. I’m finally living in integrity – and I can only do that with a clear mind

Alcohol has the power to damage my life. I deserve better than that. On the other side of that line are presence, awareness and genuine connection.

What This Chapter Looks Like Now

This alcohol-free season of my life is about:

• Learning new coping tools to handle difficult feelings (instead of drowning them)

• Staying connected to myself through meditation, journaling and self-care

• Connecting more deeply with others – honestly and clearly

• Exploring how I can serve and give back

I’ve upgraded to the 365-day challenge, and it feels exactly right.

I’m not just “not drinking” – I’m building a life I don’t want to numb out from.