Living life on my terms – Caitlin Knox

My life has fundamentally shifted and there’s no way I’m going back

I drank daily, usually three or four drinks before I made my way to bed. Any time something stressful happened I would say “I need a drink”. It’s so easy to get caught up in the memes that glorify having a drink after a hard day that it felt natural to slide right into that pattern.

I made the decision to quit drinking because I didn’t like how often having a drink would dominate my mind. I didn’t like that I avoided problems, defaulting instead to “unwind” after a long day with some special red juice. I wanted to face my stressors and triggers head on, instead of living the same loop over and over.

Starting OYNB

Once I decided to quit drinking, I knew I needed some kind of process to follow to get started, so I signed up for the OYNB alcohol-free challenge. I am a creature of habit, so replacing my evening ritual was the hardest part for me, but I felt grounded and connected to a higher purpose. I started to think: I can definitely do this.

A couple of weeks in, I had to attend our company’s annual meetings out of town. There was an open bar, and colleagues I hadn’t seen since the year before. This was my first social situation since starting the challenge and I let the pressure get to me. I had a drink – more than one, in fact – and ended up drinking the entire week I was there. My perfect feeling of confidence was shattered, but I reset my day 1 and carried on. Looking back, that was the wake-up call that made me realise I wanted this to be a life choice, not just a short-term experiment.

What I’ve achieved since going alcohol-free

Taking on this challenge made me see how much alcohol had been my blind spot. While 2020 was the most difficult year for many, it was a game changer for me.

Professionally, I was named employee of the year for my contributions to the company’s reporting infrastructure. Physically, I lost 20 pounds I didn’t even realise were “hitching a free ride” thanks to alcohol. Academically, I decided to pursue my MBA and have been able to maintain a full course load with a 4.0 GPA.

I made big moves to contribute to the success of the companies my husband and I own together. I passed the certification to become a certified applicator for a pest control business we plan to open in the next couple of years. I passed examinations to add additional specialties to our contracting business and hired a full-time office manager, who I’ve trained to take on core requirements.

I applied and was appointed to the Board of Adjustments for my local city government and was then accepted into the Citizens Leadership Institute. This was a key networking decision to make sure I had a seat at the table where decisions were being made that affected me and my business directly. All of these accomplishments happened in one year.

The biggest changes in my personal life

It’s my personal life that has seen the most dramatic change. There were plenty of new obstacles to face: being thrust into home-schooling my kids, losing my serene environment during the day, and not being able to see my friends and family. In the past, all of that would have been justification to start drinking earlier and earlier in the day.

With alcohol removed from my “equation” (developer brain here), I found other ways to decompress. Drinking sparkling water with fresh lime in a ridiculously large wine glass still scratched that same itch to sit down with a special drink. I also started taking a bath every night.

I began to thread together insights from my journal entries that softened my heart, empowered my mind and nurtured my soul. I became more patient with my kids, more loving toward my husband, and I actually took the time to make a nice meal for my family to enjoy at night. Every single part of my life improved.

My OYNB experience

One of the best aspects of the OYNB journey has been the community. Reading other people’s struggles and wins was a constant reminder that I was enough. The prompts in the daily emails helped me take inventory of my life and identify triggers.

I take pride in living life on my own terms. If there’s an undesirable outcome in my life, I’m self-aware enough to observe it honestly and make conscious choices that spark change in the right direction. There is a real freedom in that clarity, in choosing something for yourself and your well-being.

What’s next

It’s amazing to say that I don’t even think about alcohol. The only reason I remembered it was my 365th day is because I added a calendar reminder when I reset my day 1. My life has fundamentally shifted, and there is no way I’m going back.