I could have been doing all this years ago! – Gillian Brown

I threw myself right into it and I have not looked back

I started drinking in my early teens – that’s just what everyone did. Every weekend I’d sneak to the local park with my friends. It all just carried on from there and there never really seemed to be any reason for that to change.

I didn’t have any kids, so no real responsibilities. What was wrong with having a good drink at the weekends?

When alcohol was everywhere

As life went on, alcohol just seemed to be everywhere.

A good day? “Have a drink.”A bad day? “I need a drink.”A sunny day? “Have a drink in the garden.”

Everyone around me was doing the same, so there couldn’t be anything wrong with it… right?

Then I had my wee boy. A glass of wine after bedtime still felt “fine”, normal, even expected. But I was exhausted.

• my hangovers had always been epic, a badge of honour when I was 20

• now, with a child to run around after, I was constantly chasing my tail

• I felt tired and flat

• I was taking medication for anxiety

• I was unfit and unhappy

I found myself thinking: is this it? Is this all life is?

Discovering OYNB

I saw OYNB on my Facebook feed and signed up the first time I saw it. It felt like a sign.

I did the 28-day challenge and felt good… then went back to life as normal – which included drinking. Then came Dry July, Sober October, little AF spells here and there. I always felt better alcohol-free, but I always drifted back to old ways.

Then Covid hit and the world went mad.

This time it felt different. I didn’t just want to feel better for a bit – I wanted real, lasting change. No matter what was happening around me, I knew I had the power to change my wee world. If we were going to be stuck in the house, I needed that space to be as safe, calm and present as possible for me and my family.

So I signed up for 365 days.

Starting the 365 felt daunting and exciting

I was full of questions:

• What would people think?

• How would I socialise?

• How would I deal with stress?

• How would I enjoy myself?

I wanted this change, but I was scared of it too. What if I failed? Would that mean I had a “problem”?

After that initial uneasiness, I threw myself right into it – and I haven’t looked back.

The changes I’ve seen

The changes I’ve seen and felt are almost unbelievable. I’m now over four months alcohol-free, and:

• my skin is completely different – my trademark red chubby cheeks are gone

• I started Couch to 5K and could hardly breathe after one minute… now I’m focusing on a half marathon

• I go to a PT, practise yoga regularly and meditate daily

• the weight is coming off gradually, but more importantly I look after myself and my body

I’ve come off my medication. I feel comfortable and confident in myself.

That nagging inner voice – the one that said “this is just the way life is, you can’t do this or that” – is gone. I feel able to try anything.

The greatest change for me is the clarity and focus I now have.

• I get up earlier than the rest of the house and set myself up for the day

• I’m present, and I’m sure I’m a better mum

• I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been, physically and mentally, in the middle of a global pandemic

I wish I could go back and tell my 20-year-old self that at 40 I’d feel like this – and that all it would take was one change. I could have been doing all this years ago.

New opportunities and a new outlook

OYNB has opened up so many opportunities for me, not just around alcohol but in every area of my life.

• the daily emails give me focus and motivation – it’s a self-development journey

• the Facebook group is its greatest strength: people from all over the world, all walks of life, doing this for their own reasons and rallying around each other

• no judgement, just support, whenever you need it

One day at a time

Right now, I simply don’t want to drink. In fact, I rarely think about it – which, for me, still sounds wild.

Seeing the benefits of not drinking, and learning more about the effects of alcohol through this challenge, means I just don’t want it in my life at the moment.

One day at a time – and celebrate each victory.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. So I focus on today. If, at the end of the day, I’m pleased with what I’ve achieved and how it’s worked out for me and my family, then I let myself feel proud.

I have done good.

I just wish everyone would try this challenge and see how good it feels. Even 28 days can be a powerful experiment. You don’t know what could be waiting for you on your own wee alcohol-free journey.