I am so happy to be where I am now – Vanessa Hardcastle

I was a daily drinker, maybe up to a bottle of wine per night during the week and more at weekends. I only drank in the evening with dinner and then after, for the two to three hours before bed. So that was ok, right? I never drank during the day, so I didn’t have a problem. Right? Wrong.

Most of the time it didn’t “look” like a problem, because we stayed in a lot (we had a little boy), so if I fell asleep (passed out) on the sofa at night, nobody except my partner knew. The big issue was when we went out: I never knew when to stop until it was too late. I would often lose part of the night, not remember what had happened, what I’d done or how I’d got home.

Deciding I was ready for a change

After a particularly heavy drinking session with some girlfriends before Christmas 2019 (our Christmas night out), I made up my mind that things had to be different. I didn’t want my then two-year-old to see mummy in that drunken state ever again, so I decided to join OYNB in the new year.

I’d seen adverts popping up on my Facebook feed for a good while, but I chose to wait until the end of the Christmas holidays because of fomo (fear of missing out) and started my challenge on 6 January 2020. I also didn’t want to start on the obvious 1 January, because it felt like I would be doomed to fail along with everyone else.

I chose the 90-day challenge because 28 days didn’t feel like enough, but I couldn’t afford the full year. My plan was to keep going past 90 days if I could make it that far. I’d already abstained for 18 months while pregnant with my son and breastfeeding, so I knew I could do it if I really committed. But this time felt different, because I was choosing to give up for me.

I actually felt excited about it and even started one day earlier than planned because, well, why wait? And I haven’t drunk a single drop since.

My experience going alcohol-free

I think my success comes down to two things: the support from OYNB (especially the Facebook challengers group) and reading the book Alcohol Explained by William Porter. After about five chapters, I knew I would never drink again.

I haven’t really lost much weight (I didn’t really need to), but my skin has definitely improved. I sleep better, have more energy and manage early mornings so much more easily. I feel far more present for my son and my partner, as these days I mainly drink tea, coffee and water.

I remember going to bed every night now, and I’m much more “with it” in the mornings. I may still feel tired sometimes, but there are no hangovers.

The OYNB support

The daily videos were a great idea, but for me the most valuable part was the OYNB challengers group on Facebook. Being in touch with people on the same journey made a huge difference. Just knowing I wasn’t the only one who’d had enough of alcohol was incredibly reassuring.

I suppose I could have joined other free Facebook groups like the Alcohol Explained community, but the concept of paying for a structured challenge I was determined to complete worked better for me. My partner thought I was wasting money and should just quit on my own, but that would never have worked in my case.

What life looks like now

There is no relationship with alcohol now. I occasionally drink an alcohol-free beer or AF Freixenet, but most of the time I’m perfectly happy with water in the evenings, followed by a cup of tea after dinner.

To be honest, we don’t go out much, but if we do, I’ll have one AF beer and it lasts the whole meal. There is such a great range of AF beers here in Spain now, plus some places do mocktails, so I never have any fomo. I don’t think I will ever drink alcohol again.

Thinking about taking the challenge?

I would definitely recommend OYNB to anyone who wants to change their relationship with alcohol. Not everyone wants to quit forever, and that’s fine, which is why OYNB is so helpful – they even support people who want to moderate.

But as I’m very much an all-or-nothing person, I had to go the whole way and quit for good. I’m so happy to be where I am now.